Reflections and Resolutions.

As you may or may not know, April 22 is my birthday. Unlike most people who celebrate their birthdays, I tend to use them as a day of reflection and resolution.

Like a new year’s resolution.

I have always found it interesting that people would choose an arbitrary date like January 1 to change their lives. I think that the actual beginning of a new year – an actual 365 day cycle – makes a lot more sense. This is why, for all intents and purposes, my new years day is today, April 22, beginning at 10:20 AM CDT to be exact.

While I have celebrated my birthday, find my old buddies Chris and Dan and ask them how I celebrated them in Minnesota, and my god I am fat in that picture (2000 I think maybe 1999), I realize the real purpose is for my reflection. My personal Q & A. What I do is I sit down and I think to myself –

What positive improvements have I made to my life this year?

What negative things happened to me? When I say that I don’t mean ‘I stubbed my toe!’ I am talking about negatives that I am in direct control of.

Which of my lifetime goals have I not accomplished yet?

What are the issues I am dealing with in my life?

And finally, what are my goals for the forthcoming year?

I have never, ever shared this stuff with anyone. I really am a two sided coin. While on one side I am an exhibitionist, willing to put myself on display, I am also very private. What goes on up here (I’m pointing to my head) is supposed to stay up there. But what the hell. Why have a blog unless you are willing to spill it all.

Here’s what I have discovered today…

Positive Improvements:

• No longer freeloading!


• Got a great new job in a bigger market for more money!


• I quit smoking!


• I lost some weight!

Negatives:

• I failed to follow through with the Erin and Gosnell show once again. (The Erin and Gosnell show is a project that I am working on with my friend Jason.)


• I showed that I am still dependant on others to help me out of situations.


• I did not become as healthy as I planned – didn’t lose as much weight as I wanted, didn’t adjust my eating habits like I wanted, ect.


• I still spend too much time doing non-productive tasks like playing games, rather than using my time for productive purposes.


• I did not go back to school like I wanted.


• I spent too much time depressed and feeling sorry for myself.

My lifetime goals that I have not accomplished yet:

• I do not own my own home.


• I have not achieved financial independence.


• I have not gotten anything I have written published or filmed.


• I’m still alone.


• I still cannot speak Japanese.


• I haven’t been outside the United States.

My issues are:

• I still haven’t come to terms with what happened between me and Chris. I still seem to refuse to accept at least some responsibility for alienating him.


• I still haven’t figured out who I really am.


• While I try to follow the teachings of Buddhism, I find myself consumed and preoccupied by what I have – or rather what I don’t have.


• I still hold emotional baggage from the death of my friend Rob.

And my goals for the New Year are:

• Achieve a healthy weight and BFI (body fat index – more important than actual weight).


• Continue to not smoke.


• Take better care of my teeth and repair the damage smoking and carelessness has caused.


• Get E&G taped and at least ready for distribution; finish 20 webisodes by September.


• Begin classes to learn Japanese.


• Drive to Canada. It’s not glamorous, but it’s a start!


• Finish at least two Moon Trek stories; ponder the spin off.


• Less EVE, more web development/freelance video work.


• Improve my photography skills and win an award.


• Really LEARN Photoshop.


• Take some art classes – learn to draw.


• Meditate daily; look into martial arts classes to improve both my health and mental well being.


• Have some fun, asshole!

One of the things I remind myself as well as while nothing is allowed to come off the list, I can add anything I want. Maybe that should have been a goal – to want to add more!

Happy New Year.